Today I came to a huge realization: I need more Jesus. I woke up feeling mentally weak, fatigued and shot down. I didn't have energy or a desire to do anything, no joy in my heart, no spring in my step. I would have been okay with lifelessly sitting by myself all day, stuck in my thoughts, staring blankly at a nearby wall. I just didn't care.
So I attempted to do some yoga. The muscles in my legs have been craving it, and my mind has been asking me to slow down a bit. So...I attempted this said yoga. But on two occasions I found myself lying on the carpet in my living room, not moving a muscle, with eyes closed, looking into the darkness of my eyelids. No thought went through my mind, I felt lazy and broken down, unmotivated to lift a joint in my body.
Breakfast was going to perk me up, it just had to. I blended some frozen fruit along with spinach, wheat germ, vanilla, cooked steel cut oats and coconut water - refreshing, filling, satisfying: a bowl of energy. It was delicious, but my mind did nothing more than wander, and I could hardly taste any of it. I was going to read my devotional, but it just sat next to me, untouched, like it has been for the past 5 days. Ignoring God, ignoring my only True Source of joy and peace.
The drive to work was torture. I closed myself off from the entire world. I didn't speak more than a few emotionless words, I didn't hum a tune or enjoy the trees we drove by. It was as if I refused to acknowledge that the day had even started. I felt pretty empty inside, but I didn't care to talk about it.
As rocky as the day began, it is ending on such a calmer note. On my lunch break I sat with a devotional, a pen, and the sunshine while I talked to God. Today was day 365 of a daily devotional a friend gave me, so I decided to take a trip through the pages of the last year or so. The verses were bold and warming, the words spoke to me right where I was. It was beautiful.
God truly opened my eyes to what I had been doing the past few days: ignoring His existence. I read His Word, said a prayer and suddenly felt whole, filled to the brim with His love and forgiveness, left without enough words to express how thankful I am for Christ's forgiveness. I felt so very complete. It's crazy how, no matter how much we may or may not be doing what we love (reading fitness magazines, blogging, cooking, watching movies with friends) we can so easily hit rock bottom if God is not the center of our lives, the strong foundation.
He is what I had been missing. The emptiness, the feeling of a cold heart, the loss of interest, was all the beginning of a downhill spiral that I could have easily fallen into if it weren't for His Word and His love filling me up today. My life needs to be Christ-focused - it's a given! If I ignore Him, stop praying and reject His Word, I can't expect anything but a feeling of loneliness and bitterness.
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me will never go hungry, and he who believes in Me will never be thirsty..." John 6:35
The Bible is like bread to His believers. If we don't eat every single day - we become weak, broken down, lifeless. Just the same goes for the "Bread of Life" which is God's scripture: without reading and meditating on it daily we will surely, truly, find ourselves empty. Our words, actions and thoughts will not reflect His presence in our lives, we won't have strength to face the day. We need Jesus! Depending on Him is so freeing!
He washed me clean and gave me new life today, praise Jesus! My prayer is that anyone who finds themselves feeling empty or unsatisfied with the worldly things that surround them would feel God's presence and unconditional love. That He would soften their hearts and open their eyes to the perfect peace and immense joy He wants us to enjoy. There is hope in His promises - open up to Jesus, He has been knocking on the door of your heart for a long time, let Him in!
July 5, 2010
"My soul thirsts for God, the living God." - Psalm 42:2
God is everywhere. God will never leave me. He is my Protector and Guide, He leads me down rocky paths and green fields. He is constantly blessing me and my family. He is the Creator of this world. He never parts from those who call His name. He is near when I pray, He holds me when I cry. He inspires me when I paint, He strengthens me while I run. He reminds me of His perfect Word when I get angry. He is full of grace and infinite love. My soul thirsts for Him, I die of thirst without His Holy Word. I am absolutely nothing without my God. I hunger for Him and His perfectly timed plan for me. I long to feel His presence, yet I feel it every day. I want to obey Him and follow Him. Thank You, Jesus, for a life shared with You. Amen.
happy wednesday :)