February 23, 2012

Pregnancy Ain't So Bad After All

Mt.Rainier from our bedroom window - gorgeous morning

Pregnancy has gotten better. Overnight. After many heated discussions on midwifery, birthing centers, OBGYNs and hospitals. After many insurance phone calls, after talking numbers, after tears and (a little) voice raising (okay, more than necessary). After nausea, migraines, going to bed early and waking up late. After not being able to cook, hating the smell of my kitchen sink, living off of whole wheat toast and Larabars. After not caring, giving in, eating a piece of my mom's homemade pizza with cheese, having a few bites of extra sharp cheddar cheese for the first time in over 2 years, inhaling a large slice of Costco cake at a 3-year-old's birthing party, gobbling up sweet potato chips in the breakroom at work because they're "healthy" and sneaking in a handful of slightly-cold french fries and the "crack sauce" they are paired with, out of a mini-to-go box in the backseat of my mom's truck after she had a lunch party with her lovely co-workers. After feeling depressed, queasy during a short weight-lifting session, attempting prenatal pilates, not being able to wake up in time for a good workout, feeling weak, getting thicker and losing muscle....

I feel good. God is my true source of peace and joy. My Savior has blessed Eduardo and I in ways we still cannot fathom. We made a baby. It is nothing short of a full-blown miracle. My Heavenly Father is always near, always holding my closely, incredibly powerful and divine, and He wants me to look to Him for happiness - not to my growing gut (which isn't a baby yet, it's mainly the increased amount of white bread and decreased amount of strength training) or to my a-whole-lot-less-than-perfect diet, or to the fatigue that had overwhelmed me in the first weeks of pregnancy. Because guess what? None of this will ever satisfy me! I will forever be empty, the good feelings will be temporary, and I will find myself to be a grumpy first-trimester complainer that no one wants to be around (and trust me, this is the exact definition of Nicole Carrillo from week 6 to week 11).

scrambled tofu, roasted brussel sprouts, sprouted tortillas, the works.
quinoa stir fry with cabbage and peppers!
straight up potato DELICIOUS!

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