This morning marked the first day I have woken up early to work out. Mind you, I haven't been exercising very regularly since our blessing has entered this world, but I have been taking the time to work out with him by my side, even if it's only two to three times a week in the middle of the day. I have been struggling to set aside time for me recently, whether "me" time be Christ and me time (bible, journal, devotional), exercise time, pelvic floor therapy time, or even time to sit and enjoy breakfast to the fullest.
So my hubs encouraged me to set an alarm - for the first time in four months - and try to start the day before our Santiago does. Yesterday I attempted this, but after a loooong night of waking up almost every hour to a crying baby boy, well, I decided sleep was king over an early start to the day. Last night Santi decided to be a completely different nighttime baby and only wake up one time at 3:20am for some milk, a diaper change, and a de-swaddle (we put him to sleep in a Swaddle Me then I change him into a sleep sack during his diaper change - all hoping to make swaddle weaning easier in the future!). With so much sleep on my part (and his) I had no excuse not to arise early and get my sweat on!
My stomach had different ideas, though, and decided it was time for breakfast. I told it to hush, drank 16oz of water, ate a banana and a handful of walnuts, and grabbed my bible and journal to let the food digest a little bit. I, personally, am not one who can eat a breakfast or even a half breakfast and go for a run. I can only handle a mini-meal pre-workout with a rest between the two activities. I can push myself harder while exercising and am not distracted by food slushing in my belly - hooray! Anyhow, that's the reason for bible time post-banana. And, well, I should always do it this way because the best way to start off a morning is with God's word. It's so encouraging and motivating!
Okay, long intro brings me to this blessing of a morning: I am one to pray, "Your will be done, Lord," before and after making decisions. I know that I would love to have a family of 6, be a stay at home mom, find an at-home job I can do on the computer and be with my husband on Saturdays and Sundays, but what if God's plan for me is different? His desire is that I seek Him, (telling others of His goodness and the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ, who died so that we may live eternally in Heaven with Him after this life is over), and maybe His plan for me is to bear only one or two children, work part time and have Sundays with my spouse. We don't know what God's will for us is. Or so I have always told myself. I ask of Him, but I know He may answer me in ways I wasn't hoping for (a "yes" or clear direction as to what is to happen next).
Then I read this bible verse, and His will for us believers is so. so. clear:
Pray without ceasing
Give thanks in all circumstances
for this is God's will for YOU
in Christ Jesus
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
I was driving home on this same day and decided to sing along with my church's choir CD from last Spring. To my surprise, this song comes on:
Always be joyful
keep on praying
no matter what happens
always be thankful
for this is God's will for you
who belong to Jesus Christ!
Again, clear as is can get. You know when you ask God to just speak to you? Like the fellas in the Old Testament in the bible, "God appeared..." "God spoke..." how come we never get to hear God's powerful voice speak to us among the chaos in this world? I always ask myself this. And today I really felt like He did speak to me. He used the tools of choral song lyrics, and His Holy scriptures, to speak to his daughter who just wanted guidance.
I've decided not to go into detail on what's going on in our life right now with regards to maternity leave ending, planned child care for our baby boy, and the future plans. In this moment of our lives we are simply praying hard, trusting in the Lord with everything that is in front of us, and enjoying each day as is is given to us. We are trying to, "not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition..." casting our cares to Jesus.